


Like A Secret

by cecilantro



Series: 100 Days Of Ficlets [18]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 06:52:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13992819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecilantro/pseuds/cecilantro
Summary: (Big ol' near-quoted spoilers for 9x10!!!)“I hope you find what you’re looking for.”Gustav had told him, and that was the first time Molly had looked at Caleb like he was a secret, something precious and treasured.“I think I will.”





	Like A Secret

**Author's Note:**

> Taliesin and Liam fed me like a tiny baby bird, so much so in fact that i didnt mind being awake at 2am after like 45 minutes sleep with a whole cosplay to make during the day!
> 
> (Also that gustav/molly interaction in ep 4 was where i fell fuck deep into this ship, so yeah i blame taliesin. i did so much fake math figuring out that it was definitely liam he was lookin at. IT MEANS SOMETHIN YALL!!! probably not this but like... im gonna take it anyway fight me in actual real life)

Mollymauk is a true jack of all trades. Intimidation, charm, magic, carving, you name it. Molly can do it.  
He holds his own morals and presses others to be better by cookie-cutter-ing the tainted, greyed morals from them when he pushes them onward through the trials of travelling with him. He lies with a grace and ease that puts the average conman to shame, his tongue quicksilver, each easy smile and languid movement is calculated. And in battle, raging, beautiful, and when he fucks up a vicious mockery and switches from Infernal to Common to curse in long, loud chains and stamp his impatience. Oh, Caleb’s heart.

He loves.

He doesn’t trust, but he loves.  
Molly looks to him, sometimes, like Caleb is a secret that Molly is guarding, a smile that isn’t quite a smirk, but not quite _not_ a smirk, knowing, shaded red eyes. Molly’s sharp canine peeks over the edge of his lip as he draws it in to chew, gently, he’s thinking.  
And he keeps surprising, in the least surprising ways. The way that he acts with Yasha gives Caleb a glimpse into _what could be_ , because Yasha and Molly are close, like family, would trust their lives to one another’s hands and fall back. Caleb watches them in The Leaky Tap, fawning and joking over Jester’s keyring.  
Molly leans in to whisper something in Yasha’s ear, her eyes go wide, and she lets out a delighted laugh. The two of them break down into peals of it, Molly slings an arm over her shoulder, Yasha slaps the back of her hand to Molly’s chest, they lean in together.  
Caleb feels, in the back of his throat, the green flame flicker of jealousy. It could be the whiskey he’s knocked down since he arrived in, but it feels… different. The alcohol is a pleasant burn, this hurts, like acid, like… the person he was, before he swore to change.  
And oh, dear, he does not like that.  
Molly’s gaze flickers to him again, concern lacing his jovial attitude, he tilts his head. Asking if he’s okay.  
Caleb meets his eyes and thinks for a second.  
He nods, minutely, and he knows that Molly knows he’s lying, but the tiefling has more grace than to push it.  
The next time Caleb pays his full attention to Mollymauk again, they’re in the sewers. He catches the ricochet of voices, of Nott yelping Yasha’s name.  
The spider has turned from Fjord to a target out of Caleb’s sight, and he can assume by Nott’s panic that it is their newest companion. He pulls out his diamond and swirls his hand, but before he can completely begin the spell, Molly has whipped around and he points at the arachnid with his sword.  
Caleb watches Molly’s jaw clench and his eyes flicker dark as he curses the spider.  
Something bursts at the side of his neck, and the arm on that side trembles with the willpower of staying in place. It’s only when Yasha’s screech dies away that Molly lets his shoulders drop and he claps a hand to his neck, his scimitar held between his ring and little finger. Red leaks between his other fingers and he heaves a sigh.  
Beau zips past him, he looks so tired, but Caleb watches him as he whips and sheathes the scimitar in his free hand, and points, screeches something in Infernal.  
Like whiplash, the spider screeches in return, scrabbles away from Molly, up the wall, and falls, curling into a ball like the edges of the webbing when Caleb burnt it. Tiny wounds burst all over its body, similar in appearance to Molly’s neck after he had cursed it with Blood Maledict, and spider blood spills onto the floor of the sewer.  
Molly looks on with mild interest.  
“Well,” he says, “Never had that happen to me before.”  
Caleb falls in love again.  
And that’s why it hurts so much more when Molly pins him to the wall the moment they climb into the alley in the Tri-Spires.  
In the first instant, Caleb’s heart is in his throat. This is stuff that he reads about, dramatic wall pins, the kissing-  
He’s not that bad, he hopes, that he expects it. He doesn’t expect Molly to doubt him.  
Along the lines of Caleb being greedy, taking everything for himself, and he watches Molly turn and fights threatening tears.

Hours before, he remembers Molly looking at him with such gentleness, softness, telling Caleb that he _likes him_ the way he is, the implication that Caleb shouldn’t change to please the others, to please Jester.  
He remembers further, to the forehead kiss, the comfort and hope and empathy all in that pinpoint of contact that seems so dull to Caleb now.  
Even to the tavern in Trostenwald,  
_“I hope you find what you’re looking for.”_ Gustav had told him, and that was the first time Molly had looked at Caleb like he was a secret, something precious and treasured.  
_“I think I will.”_  
There’s an indescribable pain in his chest as he watches Molly walk away, the image of his threatening, disappointed face stamped on the inside of his eyelids.  


He catches Molly’s arm at the back of the group, later. He’s Caleb’s last stop on his emotional tour for the night, and he’s already feeling pretty tapped after admitting to Fjord just how much he hates and blames himself.  
_(And admitting that he does not, really, trust Nott. As much as he cares for her. He trusts nobody.)_  
“Mollymauk.” He says, quietly, and sees Fjord deliberately quicken his step and hasten Jester along to get out of earshot of the two.  
(Caleb almost smiles, grateful.)  
Molly looks at him with… indifference. And it hurts, so badly, that Caleb almost cries. He could expect this of anyone else, has already had the unfortunate encounter with Jester, but that didn’t hurt like this. That burned, with anger and defiance.  
This feels hollowing, someone has scooped his heart out. The cavity aches.  
“Caleb.” Molly’s short reply draws him back to the moment.  
“I, despite, despite what you think of me right now, I hope that you know that I am not what you, what you think I am.”  
“I thought better of you.” Molly says, and every word feels like another arrow to the chest.  
Fuck, he would take a thousand arrows over this.  
The hurt turns molten.  
“I didn’t _keep_ what I took. You _saw_ me give Fjord the armor.”  
“For the glove.” Molly raises his eyebrows, but there’s a flicker of old warmth there. His protective instincts kicking in.  
Molly fights that.  
“There was money, Caleb, and I’d make the assumption that there was a fair amount. They were Crown’s Guard, after all.”  
“I didn’t keep that, either.” Caleb replies, shortly, he draws his shoulders up and back and lets his anger fill him, because nothing else will. “You think so lowly of me that you assume I’d keep the spoils of battle for myself? What would I use it for? Shitty smut, and pulp fiction? I’m not _permitted_ in this part of town because I’m a filthy fucking hobo, Mollymauk.”  
“Caleb.” Fjord hisses, “Be mad, but be mad quieter.”  
Caleb’s gaze whips to him, and back to Molly.  
“I gave it to Jester.” He says, and it’s quieter, more venomous, “Because she is used to the comforts of life, and she was _very_ upset after she discovered her mother had not sent her a letter.”  
Molly’s disgust fades from his face, replaced by shock, and then guilt.  
“I, I,” Molly stutters, “I’m sorry. I assumed-”  
“You hurt me.” Caleb admits, and the rage has drained away, it feels like it’s raining in his chest now, he’s filled with drops of cold water. “You assumed one mistake of me, and you changed so completely, Mollymauk, I was afraid-”  
He cuts himself off, sighs. Molly tilts his head. He looks at Caleb, again, as though he is a secret.  
“Afraid of what?”  
“I was afraid that I would lose you.” Caleb confesses, though not without a hearty gulp. “I, I, I do not trust you. I do not trust any of you, I do not trust anyone.”  
Molly sets a hand on Caleb’s wrist.  
“But?”  
“But I care about you. I care for you, and for your opinion of me. And if anyone hurts you, Mollymauk, I promise that I will burn them to ashes.”  
Molly sighs, gently, and slips his fingers through Caleb’s as he leans in. He presses a hand to Caleb’s cheek, lets the wizard lean into the touch, and kisses his forehead.  
The moment is brief, and tender, and Caleb wants more but he’s not ready yet.  
“I’m so sorry.” Molly whispers, and Caleb feels his lips move against his skin, he hasn’t drawn back. He stays very, very still, drinking in every second he can take from Molly.  
“It hurts me when you doubt me. I understand that you do not trust me, but…”  
“No.” Molly cuts him off, and though he draws back to look Caleb in the eyes, he keeps his hand at Caleb’s cheek. “I was wrong, to assume like I did.”  
The word _love_ hovers in the back of Molly’s mind, but he can’t, not quite yet.  
“Fjord told me that he wants to earn my trust. I feel much the same for you.” Caleb tells him, and Molly nods. He is honest, earnest,  
“I live to earn your trust right now, Caleb. _Live for it._ ” He emphasises the point, hoping to drive it home as easy as he’d cut out Caleb’s heart with his distrust.  
It doesn’t quite work, but Caleb tears up a little anyway.  
“Are y’all done?” Beau cocks her head, “We gotta go get some rest an’ some booze, ready for tomorrow.”  
Molly and Caleb break apart.  
They walk side-by-side back to The Leaky Tap.  
The backs of their hands brush together.

**Author's Note:**

> if you do wanna fight me irl im cosplaying caleb at a con in carlisle, uk tomorrow take a flight come meet me there.  
> (i 100% just wanted to brag that im cosplaying caleb)  
> (Have you noticed that ive started rambling in the notes like yall are friends? you are. were friends.)


End file.
